“There’s pizza in the conference room, dig in!” To most people, this is a celebratory occasion, free pizza! To me this statement creates panic and anxiety, my mind is racing with the consequences of eating this pizza. It smelled so good- I indulged. Guilt crept over my entire body. Suddenly I was aware of every imperfection I possessed. I was ashamed at my lack of will power and felt weak and defeated.
That was me not too long ago; controlled and dictated completely by the confines of food. I allowed food to be the focus of my days. My attitude revolved around what I ate. Slowly but surely my self-esteem, my body image, and my insecurities- they all revolved around food too. I was spiraling into my own world, a world in which I was ridden with depression and anxiety, a constant fear of what the next day may bring.
One day, I decided I was sick of letting that piece of pizza dictate my life. I decided I will not live my life bound by the chains of food. I challenged myself to accept who I was right there in the moment. I challenged myself to look in the mirror and appreciate my beauty in the purest form. I no longer allowed myself to be dictated by anything. Humans are so unique in that we are allowed to feel, but the beauty of those feelings is the control we hold over them. I challenged myself to be positive, to choose happiness. I challenged myself to be grateful for all that I have. I challenged myself to live, because I deserved it.
Little by little, I started appreciating nature, really taking in my surroundings, seeing the beauty of life. Mornings were no longer dreaded, but welcomed. I enjoyed a good book, a night of Netflix on the couch, a long hike through the woods and rivers. I started seeing the world for what it was, and it taught me so much. To the tree that’s missing bark, to the river that is running low, to the flowers that will soon be frozen in snow, you are beautiful even in your imperfections.