Do you ever just have those days that are just strangely off? Like sometimes you can’t remember how to spell the word “house”, or you say something so many times you don’t even think it’s a word anymore? Or you walk into the laundry room with the intention of going to bed, or you end up putting your cell phone away with the groceries? I have been having a lot of those days lately, and as unproductive as they seem, I think I have actually stumbled upon something blog-worthy!
So, bodies. They’re pretty weird, aren’t they? Think about it, you have all of these bones and organs and systems and so much blood, so so much blood, and a brain and wow, there are just a million different things, right? And oddly, they all know how to work together without much help from us.
The past month has been a rollercoaster for my body. I began having seizures in October, and after two hospital stays we are still trying to figure it all out (by “we” I mean the doctors; I’ve just been watching a lot of Gilmore Girls). In and out of machines, poked and prodded with needles and unidentifiable scary things, and lots of down time gave me some space to think. I began thinking through how my body was reacting to whatever stressor was happening in my brain, and how after each trauma my insides still fought to repair and protect me. I left the first hospital stay with a deep distrust of my body, and a fear of ever going back to classes. But after this second round I am confident that no matter what happens, my body knows best.
Looking back on it, I wish I would have realized this in the depths of my anorexia. Despite all that I was doing, my body was continuously racing to repair anything it could. Sometimes it’s hard to love your body, and I would be lying if I said I did 100% of the time. However, it is important to think of all it has done for you, and marvel at the body’s ability to compensate for what it has lost. Be grateful for that, but also remember that it cannot last forever. We need to start reciprocating the love back to our bodies, because they’ve been doing a lot of work.
This can mean a lot of things, so let’s brainstorm! Self care is huge, give your body a break and do something fun: go for a jog, take a nap, whatever you love to do. Eat intuitively, and I know for some of us that is easier said than done…but even if you’re following a MP strictly, maybe reach for one of those things you’ve been struggling with and give your body some positive energy. Get up, have a dance party, play games, talk with friends, surround yourself with people who can give you the support you need.
Give your body some love, folks, because it’s giving you more than you know.