What to Do If a Doctor Tells Your Child to Lose or Gain Weight

It can feel unsettling when a doctor tells you your child needs to lose or gain weight. You want to trust your provider. You also want to protect your child’s physical and mental health. And in a culture that constantly focuses on weight, it can be hard to know what the right next step is.

In this video, licensed psychologist Dr. Emily Pisetsky shares practical guidance for navigating weight conversations with your child’s doctor — and how to support your child’s health without focusing on weight.

Dr. Emily Pisetsky is a licensed psychologist and Clinical Associate Professor specializing in eating disorders and mental health. 

How to Respond After a Doctor Talks About Your Child’s Weight

Here’s how to respond in a way that supports your child’s health without harming their relationship with food or their body.

1. Protect the Conversation

You are allowed to set boundaries in medical appointments.

If weight is brought up in front of your child and you feel uncomfortable, you can say:

• “Can we talk about this privately?”
• “I’d prefer not to discuss weight in front of my child.”

You can also request that your provider note in your child’s chart that weight, BMI, or growth charts should be discussed away from your child’s earshot.

This small step can make a big difference in protecting your child from internalizing the idea that their body is a problem.

If you’d like more guidance, see our What to Say Guide for Healthcare Professionals for how to navigate weight conversations in medical settings.

2. Ask Better Questions

If your child’s doctor expresses concern, it’s okay to ask for more clarity.

You might ask:

• Are there any abnormal lab results?
• Is there a specific medical issue beyond weight?
• Is this part of normal growth and development?

Children are expected to gain weight as they grow. In fact, weight gain often happens before growth spurts, especially during pre-puberty and puberty. Body changes during childhood and adolescence are normal.

Research shows that attempts to restrict a child’s weight can increase the risk of disordered eating later on. That’s why many experts recommend focusing on health behaviors rather than weight itself.

3. Avoid Singling Your Child Out

Even if the concern feels valid, singling out one child in a family can send an unintended message: something is wrong with your body.

Instead of creating special food rules or exercise plans for one child, consider this question:

If these changes are truly about health, can we do them as a family?

When everyone participates, the focus shifts from fixing a body to building healthy habits together.

4. Focus on Habits, Not Body Size

If you decide to make changes, center them on behaviors that support well-being.

Movement

Help your child find movement they enjoy. That might look like bike rides, soccer in the park, dancing in the living room, or exploring a state trail.

Keep it about joy, connection, energy, and strength — not about changing how anyone looks.

Food

Aim for:

• Family meals when possible
• A variety of foods
• Neutral language (avoid “good” or “bad”)
• Low-pressure mealtimes

You might say:

• “Sometimes we eat broccoli. Sometimes we eat cookies. Both are part of life.”
• “Food helps our bodies grow and gives us energy.”

If you’d like simple language swaps, check out What to Say Instead.

5. Talk With Your Child

If your child overheard the conversation or seems worried, lead with curiosity.

You might say:

• “How did you feel when you heard that?”
• “What did you think about what the doctor said?”

Then reassure them:

• “Bodies change as we grow.”
• “Your body is not a problem.”
• “Health is about how we take care of ourselves, not just about size.”

For more practical scripts, download our guide for When Kids Talk About Bodies.

Supporting Your Child After a Weight Conversation With a Doctor

A comment about your child’s weight can feel overwhelming. But how you respond matters more than the comment itself.

When you shift the focus from weight to well-being, ask thoughtful questions, and protect your child from harmful weight talk, you’re helping them build trust in their body.

You don’t have to handle it perfectly. Staying curious and keeping the conversation centered on health — not size — is what makes the difference.

Want more tips on how to help kids feel good in their bodies and with food? Sign up for Tip of the Month for free, practical guidance delivered right to your inbox every month.