Compassion for the Almond Moms

As a mom with little ones running around, I usually realize I'm a bit late to the party when it comes to catching onto what's trendy (although I'm always up to speed on Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce – they pretty much occupy all my spare pop culture time). And when it comes to Gen Z slang (like "rizz"), let's just say I'm still trying to figure out how to drop it into conversation without sounding totally awkward (maybe it's just not meant to be for me).

So, when one of my colleagues posted a video in our team Slack last spring about “almond moms,” I was completely lost yet totally fascinated. If you’re nodding along, let’s navigate this whole “almond mom” thing together – consider this a mom-to-mom crash course.

What is an almond mom?

The term comes from a 2013 episode ofThe Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, featuring star Yolanda Hadid and her daughter Gigi. In the episode, teenager Gigi, told her mom on the phone that she was “feeling really weak,” having only eaten “half an almond.”

Yolanda responded, “have a couple of almonds and chew them really well.”

The video resurfaced when @tyler.benderr released a TikTok video coining the term, sharingthis definition for the moniker, “An almond mom is a mom who is a little bit bought into diet culture. A little bit of an obsession with healthy eating, with her body image, with her daughter’s body image. Maybe a little bit of an obsession with fitness. But it tends to veer on the side of overdoing it.”

Since then, #almondmom has gone viral, with billions of views on TikTok of kids sharing their examples of “almond mom” comments like:

• “I see you’re having a sandwich, are you sure you want two slices of bread? I can get you some rice cakes or some gluten-free, dairy-free, refined sugar-free bread.”
• “Are you really hungry or are you just bored?”
• “Oh you want something sweet? How about a grape?”

Compassion for the almond moms

I love the changes we’re already seeing in the next generation. I love that some teens can identify diet culture and unrealistic body ideals and feel empowered to call it out. This is so important since dieting is a leading indicator of an eating disorder and 80% of American 10-year-old girls have been or are on a diet over fears about their looks.

However, as a mom, I have sympathy for the almond moms, too. We know that a lot of comments and intentions can be taken out of context. Yolanda Hadid has come out to say this about her conversation that created the term.

As parents, there’s so much responsibility placed on our shoulders. From the very first day of our child’s life, we’re suddenly responsible for ALL their feeding needs. It’s on you to KEEP THIS BABY ALIVE. Handling this responsibility is immensely pressurizing, particularly in the initial weeks, requiring unwavering vigilance. It can be challenging to switch off from this mode of constant alertness. Thankfully, as your child grows, they gradually become capable of assuming this responsibility themselves. But it can be hard to let go and trust them with this big task, especially when learning often involves a few mistakes and missteps. It can be harder still when our culture teaches us that our bodies and appetites are not to be trusted.

I genuinely believe all parents want what is best for their children. And I equally believe this can be very difficult in a culture that has ingrained in us some very unhealthy beliefs about our bodies and health.

One parent shared with us, “The messages I received about food and body as a kid are the opposite of what WithAll and others are saying we should be saying to kids. I know I need to do things differently, but I don’t know where to start in terms of what’s important for talking about food or dieting.”

I love what Child Body Image Expert Dr. Charlotte Markey said at a WithAll event about this struggle, “I think a lot of us adults feel like we’re out on our own because this isn’t the childhood that we had. We come from the ‘clean your plate,’ ‘you must finish your dinner to have dessert,’ and ‘why don’t you come with me to my Weight Watchers meeting’ generation.”

At WithAll, prioritizing the child’s perspective and advocating on their behalf is fundamental to our mission, As a young mom, I know that behind every ‘almond mom’ is a child who may have lacked affirming voices to reassure them their body is perfect as it is, without needing to change to earn more love.

So, to all the almond moms out there, we’ve got you. However, we also firmly believe in the possibility of shedding, without any shame, those practices that don’t serve us well. Our goal is to foster environments for our kids that are devoid of diet culture and unrealistic body ideals.

One next step for recovering almond moms

Untangling the ways diet culture and body ideals infiltrate our daily thoughts and actions can be overwhelmingly complex, particularly when we struggle to identify which of our deeply ingrained beliefs have been influenced. That’s why WithAll created A Simple Guide for What to Say. This interactive download unpacks 7 diet-culture-free principles to apply to your conversations about food and body with kids. There are some great reflection questions to examine your own relationship with food, but also practical things you can do and say to your kids even while you’re working through this yourself. Get it for free here.

Thank you to all the moms, dads and caregivers for everything you do for the kids that look up to you. Together, we can forge new, imperfect paths toward viewing our bodies and food, aiming for our ultimate goal: to raise our kids to be happy and healthy.