How to Teach Kids to Love Their Bodies (Even When You’re Struggling With Your Own)

Most of us were never taught how to have a healthy relationship with our bodies. So figuring out how to teach kids to love their bodies, especially on the days when you're not loving your own, can feel really hard.

And that’s okay. This is a no-judgment zone.

The good news is that it doesn’t require perfection. It just takes a little awareness and a willingness to try.

In the video below, mental health advocate and mom of five, Jaa’Lisa Banks, sits down to share what that actually looks like in practice — the real, everyday stuff that makes a difference.

Watch, then keep reading for practical tips and phrases you can use today.

Why Kids Are Always Listening

Kids don’t learn body image from one big conversation. They learn it from hundreds of small moments. The comment at the mirror. The reaction at mealtimes. The way you talk about yourself getting dressed.

Jaa’Lisa noticed this shift after having her daughter. From the moment she knew her daughter could see her looking at herself, she became conscious of the words she was using about her own body.

“Even when you think your kids aren’t listening, they are.”

You don’t have to be talking directly to your child for them to be learning from you. They’re always watching.

The Words You Use About Your Body Become the Words They Use About Theirs

One of the most concrete things you can do is pay attention to the language you use about your body, especially the casual, automatic comments.

Jaa’Lisa is intentional about this with her daughter. Words like “gross,” “ugly,” and “hideous” are off the table when it comes to describing bodies, her own included.

“If we call our bodies gross, they’re going to call their bodies gross — and they’re going to think it’s acceptable.”

The flip side is just as powerful. Jaa’Lisa talks about catching herself in the mirror and saying out loud, “Girl, you cute” and her daughter noticing. Modeling positive self-talk doesn’t have to be elaborate. It just has to be visible.

What to Do on the Hard Days (Because They Happen to Everyone)

No parent loves their body every single day. Jaa’Lisa is honest about that, and her advice isn’t to fake it.

“If you can’t love it all, find at least one thing. And if you don’t love it, at least make yourself like it — keep saying it until you believe it.”

The point isn’t performing happiness you don’t feel. It’s recognizing that you can train your brain toward appreciation just as easily as toward criticism. Find one thing. Start there.

How Taking Care of Yourself Ripples Down to Your Kids

How you handle your own hard days matters too. Reaching out to a friend, talking to a therapist, or simply naming that you’re not feeling your best and doing something kind for yourself — all of that is modeling healthy behavior for your kids.

“However you take care of yourself is going to ripple effect down to your kids.”

We often think we’re alone in struggling with body image. Jaa’Lisa’s reminder is simple: speak up. You’ll realize quickly that you’re not the only one.

For more on supporting kids’ relationship with their bodies, read Supporting Our Children in Developing a Healthy Relationship with Food and Body.

What to Say: Phrases to Start Using Today

Knowing what not to say is a start. Knowing what to say instead is where real change happens.

Here are three phrases worth practicing:

• Instead of: “I look so bad today.”
  • Say: “My body does a lot for me. I’m going to be kind to it today.”
• Instead of commenting on your body or someone else’s in front of your kids:
  • Say: “Every body is different, and that’s a good thing.”
• When you’re having a hard day and your kid notices:
  • Say: “I’m not feeling my best today, and that’s okay. I’m going to do something nice for myself.”

Check out What to Say Instead for more scripts and language swaps for caring adults.

Learn how to stop body dissatisfaction before it starts. Grab our free 3 Simple Shifts Guide to start making a difference in the way kids think about food and their bodies.